Sudden Erection Loss
Just wanted to get some advice on some erection issues ive had for about the last 4 months or so. I started dating a girl about 4 months ago and literally two days after our first date I masturbated and could not get an erection. It was a huge shock and my immediate reaction was to panic which probably did not help at all. Pretty soon I fell into a very deep anxiety and hot panic which lasted constantly over the next few weeks.
Over the next weeks I managed to get better and worse. Some weeks I'd be fine and other times I felt like embarrassed and depressed and could not masturbate. At the moment Im still on this rollercoaster of a week on, then 2 weeks off, then 2 weeks on and so on. I'm trying really hard not to let it worry me but it's really getting me down. I'm 21, very fit, don't take drugs, smoke and drink casually and am a virgin.
The girl and I didn't work out for other reasons but I'm still having trouble breaking out of this rut now that it's over. My doctor assured me its all psychological and I believe that. It's just that I wasn't really worried about sex when I started having these problems. Now I just don't know how to deal with it. I genuinely believe that its a temporary problem but i don't know how much longer its going to last and it's concerning.
I find that when I stop caring about it, it gets better. But then something else might upset me and I'll be back at square 1. It doesn't help that this girl (who I had some pretty strong feelings for) is now dating someone I can't stand. I'm talking to people and that helps but I feel like I just want to go back to the way I was. I'm confident that I will get better because I have been fine some days. I just need some advice about leaving this part of my life behind.
Over the next few weeks and months I'm planning to be by myself until I'm better and concentrate on other things for a while. At the moment I get good erections when I mastubate but sometimes it takes a while. Any helpful tips?
Ive just read your posts and it has changed my outlook, Im 38 years old and from the UK, recently split with a long time GF and since then have drank quite heavily, this has affected my erections and I think age is a factor too, I had a circumcision today for a tight foreskin and have been worrying about my future erections. Now I'm going to let my wounds heal (both physically and emotionally) drink less and take regular exercise, and Im going to take your advice about letting it all heal in its own time, Im sure if I do the right things then I should be healthy again sooner rather than later. please post your progress thanks again
OP - are you on any medications?
When you say 'depressed' is this just feeling a bit down or have your sought help for depression?
On the outset it certainly seems psychological. You can get an erection while masturbating and reach orgasm ok some of the time, which would mean the issue is mental / emotional. However mental and emotional problems can cause outward physical problems as are evident with your lack of erections.
At 21, fit and healthy it's unlikely there are any underlying physical problems, without going into a full medical history.
Your confidence has taken a huge dent, caused by worry, performance anxiety, a sexually unfulfilled relationship, and finally seeing your girl with another guy. At first you probably fantasized about this girl while trying to mastubate. Now when you masturbate and think of her, you see her with the other guy. Not good.
Worry, stress, tension and nervousness triggers your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight). Guess what the SNS also triggers? the loss of erections. Older men who have high-stress jobs often have temporary ED. But stressing out about sex itself, sexual performance is another great way to lose an erection.
Relaxing triggers the SNS's complementary, the parasympathetic nervous system. Have a bath, go get a massage, do some meditation, have a weekend away somewhere, or take a yoga class.
Don't make a plan to masturbate on a particular day - just do it whenever you feel an actual sexual urge.
Don't try to think or not think about sex - just let your body and your mind do what it will. You're 21; a few years from now all of this will be a distant memory.
When you meet the next girl, you will be nervous - no question. Aim to have a good time with her - outside the bedroom. When it comes time to have sex, make sure you satisfy her first, with her clit or g-spot. If you give her an orgasm, your confidence will be hugely improved and she'll be happy. If then you still fail to get an erection, fret not; the nerves are still with you. The second or third time, you will be more relaxed and comfortable with the girl, and you'll be firing on all cylinders. If she doesn't stick around for the 2nd or 3rd time, she's not the girl for you and you can move on.
Thanks infosex, this was great advice.
I'm not on medication. I don't really have feelings for the girl anymore, now that I'm thinking a little more rationally, she really wasn't as great as I made her out to be. The guy made out with some other girl and they broke up which I found a little funny. Even funnier, I had a chat with him and he's not such a bad guy. I'm starting to think that my x-factor was that I fell too hard for this girl way too fast. Now that i don't feel the same way, things are looking up. I've learnt a pretty valuable lesson that I'll keep with me for the rest of my life.
Luckily she doesn't haunt my sexual fantasies when I masturbate anymore. I'm able to get good erections nearly all the time but I generally have to get over the initial "What if it doesn't work" line of thinking. This normally takes a few minutes but I'm getting better. Sometimes during masturbation Ire find that I'm still thinking about the strength of my erection instead of feeling aroused, but this too is getting better. It really just requires some mental training.
I don't think I'm ready for a relationship just yet but I'm showing good signs of improvement. Although I'm not back to 100%, I'm definately much better than I was; my confidence is improving and I'm feeling happy again.
For a while I found that I was counting the days that went by and thinking that it's been too long now and I'll never get better. That is not the case. It's all about discovering what is is that causing the problem and fixing it; counting the days that go by only make things worse. It took me a while because I went about fixing this problem the wrong way.
I've found that the only thing holding me back now is a slight fear of failure but as my confidence, relaxation and happiness improves so do my erections. I'm trying not to overthink things, but just let them be instead.
It might take some time to get back to 100% but I know I'm moving in the right direction.
Thanks infosex, you gave some great advice!
Wow. This story sounds as if i had written it myself. Thank you so much for taking the time to type this out all. It has helped me more than you may ever know.
I had the exact same issue & tried to battle thru it but to no avail.
In the end I went to my doctor & spoke to her about it.
After a few tests to check for physical causes I was given the all clear.
My doctor gave me a script for viagra & said too take half a tablet abot 1 hour before.
I asked why she was prescribing me Viagra when all the tests were clear. Her response was simple, I will get erect.
After a couple of months of sorting myself out I met a very nice woman, I did what the doc said & well I performed very well (she said that)
That was almost 12 months ago & I have never had a reoccurrence of my ED. It was all in my head & I was constantly worryiyng about it.
Talk to your doctor its not that embarrassing.
Hey guys,
I'm the same guy who wrote the initial post.
Just wanted to let you all know that everything is back to normal for me and I'm getting normal erections and having proper sex with my new girlfriend. Needless to say this is the last time I'll be visiting this site or any other sites to learn more about ED.
It took a long time for me to get it back but that's because I worked it up so much in my mind. The best advice I can give is don't stop having sex. Undoubtedly you will fail the first time if you think too much. Don't let that get you down! I failed repeatedly for almost two months. My girlfriend was upset that she couldn't get me hard I was constantly thinking about it. Eventually I just treated it as a normal thing and instead of intercourse I used my fingers and tongue. I always assured her that it wasn't her fault and I told her that this was a difficult time for me and that it might be a little while before we could have intercourse. I didn't stop trying though.
Eventually I almost became used to failure and treated it as a normal thing. I no longer felt embarrased or worried and almost immediately I started seeing an improvement. I put no pressure on myself because I was comfortable with failure. This is something you all must achieve, learn to accept failure and move on. I genuiney thought failure was inevitable for me but didn't stop trying!! I failed many times but as my stress went down, my performance and libido lifted considerably.
Things are different now, my new girlfriend and I have great sex and I have not had a problem for some time. I'm feeling much stronger and happier and things are looking up for me again.
The advice I can offer you is:
-Relax (I know it's hard but just know that this is ultimately a temporary psychological condition. It will go when you're ready)
-Talk to your partner (She will think that it's her fault unless you tell her the truth. There's plenty of other ways to make her cum without using your dick)
-Explore new techniques with your partner (G-spot massage is gold! Also gently carress her skin with your fingers - chicks love that)
-Keep trying (Failing repeatedly is not the worst thing. Eventually I got used to failing and it didn't scare me as much. Soon after this I improved dramatically)
-Keep doing everyday things (This will keep your mind off it. Go out with friends, read a book)
-Talk to your doctor or a psychologist if it still worries you.
Just wanted to let everyone know that I overcame it and so can you. There is a way out!!! You can do it!!
Best wishes to everyone and I hope everyone gets better soon!!
Happy New Year!
Hey guys,
I'm the same guy who wrote the initial post.
Just wanted to let you all know that everything is back to normal for me and I'm getting normal erections and having proper sex with my new girlfriend. Needless to say this is the last time I'll be visiting this site or any other sites to learn more about ED.
It took a long time for me to get it back but that's because I worked it up so much in my mind. The best advice I can give is don't stop having sex. Undoubtedly you will fail the first time if you think too much. Don't let that get you down! I failed repeatedly for almost two months. My girlfriend was upset that she couldn't get me hard I was constantly thinking about it. Eventually I just treated it as a normal thing and instead of intercourse I used my fingers and tongue. I always assured her that it wasn't her fault and I told her that this was a difficult time for me and that it might be a little while before we could have intercourse. I didn't stop trying though.
Eventually I almost became used to failure and treated it as a normal thing. I no longer felt embarrased or worried and almost immediately I started seeing an improvement. I put no pressure on myself because I was comfortable with failure. This is something you all must achieve, learn to accept failure and move on. I genuiney thought failure was inevitable for me but didn't stop trying!! I failed many times but as my stress went down, my performance and libido lifted considerably.
Things are different now, my new girlfriend and I have great sex and I have not had a problem for some time. I'm feeling much stronger and happier and things are looking up for me again.
The advice I can offer you is:
-Relax (I know it's hard but just know that this is ultimately a temporary psychological condition. It will go when you're ready)
-Talk to your partner (She will think that it's her fault unless you tell her the truth. There's plenty of other ways to make her cum without using your dick)
-Explore new techniques with your partner (G-spot massage is gold! Also gently carress her skin with your fingers - chicks love that)
-Keep trying (Failing repeatedly is not the worst thing. Eventually I got used to failing and it didn't scare me as much. Soon after this I improved dramatically)
-Keep doing everyday things (This will keep your mind off it. Go out with friends, read a book)
-Talk to your doctor or a psychologist if it still worries you.
Just wanted to let everyone know that I overcame it and so can you. There is a way out!!! You can do it!!
Best wishes to everyone and I hope everyone gets better soon!!
Happy New Year!
I'm the same guy that posted this, but I've developed a new way of dealing with the issue that has really helped.
My initial reaction was too struggle and fight it and panic. People told me not to think about it but that really didn't help. For a long time I just couldn't shake this irrational fear. I tried to ignore it, reason with it, forget it, but none of that helped. It was really tearing me up inside and I felt like I was running out of options.
The best thing to do I've found is just accept that it's going to be an average time for a while. Yes it will be tough, yes it will be frustrating and probably scary; just don't forget that this is a temporary passing phase and let it take its toll.
I found that I was constantly checking on my process by masturbating, not because I was aroused but because I wanted to see if I was better yet. I wasn't. I forgot what it felt like to be aroused; I even forgot what it felt like to be happy for a while. Staying hopeful is unbelievably important.
Accept that you do have a minor problem and rather than stress and panic, assure yourself that it is a passing phase. All you have to do is learn to let it pass. I'm not saying its an easy state of mind to aquire but it can help you. Smile, talk to people and concentrate on day-to-day things. Stay busy and get exercise, do not neglect the rest of your life.
A good analogy is to think of temporary ED like a Chinese finger trap. Although you want to struggle initially, you're not doing yourself any good. Understand that if you can relax and just let it take its toll, it will release you.
The bottom line is that this is a tough time. Temporary but tough nonetheless. I have found that it will pass a lot smoother if you let it do its worst. Masturbate for fun only when you're aroused, not to check on your progress. Don't be disheartened if you're not ready yet; it will take time. It might not be overnight but have faith in yourself, as tough as it is, that it will pass. This is the type of condition that feeds on your insecurities and fear. Try your best not to fuel the fire with negative thoughts.
This way of thinking helped me feel happy again. I hope it gives you some encouragement to get over this phase. There's always people there for you so don't be afraid to talk about it. You won't ever reach a point where its impossible to recover, don't think that it's gone on too long and there's no way back.
In conclusion, rather than fight it just accept that you will have ED for a while and let your body get better by itself. Don't set time constraints on yourself, you'll get better when you get better. Forget past failures and carry on with the rest of your life, laugh, smile, talk, work. This part of your life will be easier if you don't fight it but let it pass you. I have found that you don't need to actively tackle the problem. It's a Chinese finger trap, learn to relax and it'll go away.
**Please post back if this thread has helped you change your way of thinking. Would also like to hear Infosex's opinion.