Erectile Dysfunction: practical tips
Erectile dysfunction: the partial or complete lack of a hard penis in times of need: sex, masturbation or otherwise. If you've got erection problems, do not fret. It's a common problem. First, answer this question:
- Do you get erections when you wake in the morning or at night?
If you answer no, and there is no time when you are able to get an erection, then you may have chronic erectile dysfunction. The problem may be a physical condition such as injury, diabetes or a medication. See the chronic erectile dysfunction page, and see a doctor straight away.
If there is a time when you can get an erection, but have trouble getting or staying erect for sex, then the problem may be psychological or environmental, and may be fixed by simple adjustments. There are certain factors that are good for getting an erection, and certain factors that hinder it. It may be something simple that's holding you back. Here's a breakdown of the most common things that can cause non-chronic (temporary) erectile dysfunction at the point you want to have sex. Click each one for a further explanation:
Possible causes of temporary erectile dysfunction:
- Cold environment
- Alcohol in your system
- Drugs, medications
- Too many orgasms in last few days or hours
- Nervousness / performance anxiety
- Stress / physical tiredness
- No direct physical contact with the penis
- Break in contact when putting on a condom
- The missionary position
So, if you came twice today, have had a few drinks and try to have sex in a cold room, you're gonna have some trouble. Try to cut out these factors.
Imagine you're standing outside naked in the depth of winter. Now look down. Pretty small huh? Your body is withdrawing blood from your skin to conserve heat and energy. Getting an erection in this freezing environment will be difficult, for any man. There's not much blood available to fill the penis for an erection.
Conversely, in a warm environment, getting an erection is a whole lot easier since your body allows blood to the external areas.
So, when you want have sex make sure the room is nice and warm. Then get underneath the covers and foreplay a lot so you're both nicely warmed up - a cold room can be a cause of erectile dysfunction.
A common cause of erectile dysfunction. Alcohol is commonly used to 'loosen things up' before sex or on a night out. Problem is, alcohol dilates (widens) your blood vessels. If you manage to get an erection, the alcohol keeps the blood vessels to your penis open, the blood drains out and you're left hanging in limpland.
The effect varies greatly from person to person and depends on how much you drink, but in general if you have problems with erectile dysfunction, don't drink before sex. If you've had a few drinks and think you might be having sex soon, stop drinking asap and start drinking water. Then foreplay until you feel the effects of alcohol wear off, or forget about intercourse altogether and give her pleasure and orgasms from g spot massage or clit sex - which you should be doing anyway!
Many drugs, prescribed or otherwise, can cause erectile dysfunction. Recreational drugs that may cause erectile dysfunction include (but are not limited to):
Heroin
Cocaine
Cannabis
Alcohol
Nicotine
Methadone
Ecstasy
Speed
Lsd
Psilocybin
Barbiturates
If in doubt, cut it out.
If you are concerned that a prescribed medication you are taking may be causing erectile dysfunction, check the list of medications that can cause ED.
Too many orgasms in last few days or hours
If you are young (mid 20s or younger) this won't affect you as much - guys under 25 or so can have more orgasms without affecting their mojo (libido). However it still could be a problem. Its simple: if you came 3 times today, and hour later try to have sex again, you might find it difficult to get an erection. So, if you know you're probably going to have sex on Friday, don't come for say two or three days beforehand. Then on Friday you've a higher chance of a successful erection. This goes especially for over 25s.
The more orgasms you've had over the last few days, the less interested you'll be in sex, and the harder it'll be to get and keep an erection.
Sometimes men use masturbation to avoid premature ejaculation, i.e., they come before sex, hoping sex will last longer. Don't do this. Your mojo will be compromised. You can last as long as you want with orgasm control techniques such as stop-start and slow breathing.
Nervousness / performance anxiety
Worrying will get you nowhere. If you're nervous about 'performing' or satisfying your partner, or if its your first time with a new partner, nervousness could cause erectile dysfunction. Let's face it, not being able to get an erection is a serious dent in your pride. If you've had erectile dysfunction before, worrying about it might cause you to get it again. Solution: relax. Take your time, give your partner lots of pleasure through foreplay, g-spot stimulation and clit sex. If you're worried about premature ejaculation, this can be completely solved using male orgasm control techniques. These will give you more than ample performance in the bedroom. Stay calm, relaxed, and confident.
A serious cause of erectile dysfunction. Stress from financial problems, relationships, family and work are bad for erection performance. Stress zaps your physical energy so when you finally get to the bedroom you're ready for nothing but sleep. If this is you then forget about sex. Go to sleep to recharge your batteries. If you still have problems with erectile dysfunction even when you have plenty of time, stress could still be a cause. Don't rush into intercourse. A deep relaxing massage (receiving or giving) followed by lots and lots and lots of foreplay can work wonders for erections. DON'T start thinking about whether you can get an erection or not. Relax. Escape. Forget about work or other worries for now. Just let it come.
No direct physical contact with the penis
It seems obvious but there it is: the penis needs constant direct physical contact to stay erect. As soon as your penis loses all contact (with hand / person / bed clothes or anything) you are going to lose the erection sooner or later. Think about this: no man on the planet, no matter how young or horny, can get an erection, stand up and keep the erection absolutely solid for more than say 2 minutes without some kind of physical contact. Try it. Impossible. So, apply this to your normal sex play. If you're kissing, foreplaying etc, but your penis has no direct contact, when you try to go straight to penetration, it's not gonna work. Get some direct stimulation from hands or body. Also take note of positions (see below) and watch out when putting on a condom:
Break in contact when putting on a condom
So, you've kissed, massaged, foreplayed, oralled, g-spotted and clitted. Everything is just perfect, you've got a solid erection and you're both ready for some hot sex. You jump out of bed, go to the drawer, take out a box of condoms, undo the plastic wrap, open the box, take one out, tear the top off the wrapper, gently tease out the condom, turn it the right way around even though its dark, hold the tip of the condom between your forefinger and thumb, and guess what? Limper than a piece of wet rope on the Antarctic peninsula. Why? No direct physical contact with the penis. Here's what to do.
- Stop in the middle of foreplay, take a condom out, get it out of the wrapper and leave it on your bedside table all ready to go. Then go back to another 20-30 minutes of foreplay / g-spot / clit sex / oral sex, before you go for intercourse.
- Make sure to be as erect as possible. Now just reach over and get the condom.
- When you have the condom ready in your left hand, if you're not fully erect already, put your right hand on your penis and start stroking, or get your partner to do it. Get it as erect as you can before you put the condom on.
- Stay under the covers to keep the warmth in.
- Put the condom on and enjoy safe sex. Always check the condom for rips regularly during sex.
Not a cause of erectile dysfunction exactly, but more of an aggravator of it. Unfortunately the missionary is one of the worst positions to attempt penetration if you have problems with erectile dysfunction. It comes from the amount of contact with the penis. As just mentioned, the penis needs constant direct physical contact to stay erect. In the missionary, just before you attempt penetration, the main stimulation for your penis from her body is her pubic bone. The problem is your hips are between her legs and your penis is kind of just hanging there. Not great. You need soft, cushiony support to stimulate your penis into erection.
Sooooo... what you could try is the both lying / both face down position. This is where your partner lies face down and you lie face down on top of her. Now your penis has something soft to play on. Make sure to massage her back, neck and shoulders in this position, while you massage her bum with your hips and your penis. After lots of foreplay, give yourself a hand. Reach around underneath her hips and use your fingers to guide your penis in.
Other positions that aren't great for guys with some erectile dysfunction problem are: woman on top, doggy, on a chair and any of their various permutations. Stick with both lying / both face down or spoons for the moment.
If it continues
If you try all of the above advice and your problem still continues, you may have chronic erectile dysfunction. See the erectile dysfunction medical page, and see a doctor straight away. Schedule an appointment asap.
Disclaimer
All information is intended for your general knowledge only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. If you have problems with erectile dysfunction or any sexual health problem, see your doctor or health care provider. Never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read here.
Comments
I used to get erections during masturbation, but when it comes time for intercourse, sometimes i get it up, somtimes i dont. i take adderall, and i have a cold, do those effect my erection?
I’m 54 years old and have struggled with both alcohol and minor drug abuse for years. I tried Viagra and it worked a little but nothing really too exciting to be honest.
About a month ago I bought this all natural formula called OxygenRx. So far it’s been absolutely amazing. Many of the issues in your article mention the mental aspect of impotence and erectile dysfunction. For me taking this OxygenRx formula gave me so much confidence that those mental aspects of intercourse are no longer haunting me and I’m able to have a better than normal sexual experience.
I just wanted to make sure this all made sense to you? Could something like that affect me physically and then mentally? It’s a great physical help as my erections are much stronger now but can that in turn affect my mental state of mind even greater than that?
Thank you for your help.
William
Certainly mental problems like stress, nervousness and worry can cause ED. Read more in these posts
http://www.infosex.com/forum/sudden-erection-loss
http://www.infosex.com/forum/cant-get-hard-her
As mentioned, alcohol will have a detrimental affect on your erections, both when you are drunk and also over the long term due to impairment of your cardiovascular system.
my problem is i get an erection ok then 2 or 3 mins into intercourse i loose it and carnt get it back, this has happend about 6 times in a row now, my confidence have plumited since, can someone tell me why?
You don't need to have an erection all the way through the foreplay. The problem is that the menial act of searching for, unwrapping, opening, checking it's the right way around and rolling down the condom will help you lose the erection. So prepare the condom first, then go back to foreplay until you get the erection again. Ok maybe 20-30 minutes of middleplay is too much.
Ok you'll have to give a lot more information. Please answer all of the following questions:
1. What age are you?
2. Do you have any illnesses, injuries, depression etc?
3. Are you on any medication?
4. Has the problem happened suddenly, or did it gradually come on?
5. When you masturbate, can you keep an erection for 15 minutes or more (assuming you don't have an orgasm)?
Hi all,
Thanks for the article and the info. I see bits of my "problem" above, but not the whole thing. I get erections fine normally and can keep them. Sometimes it's up for ages. The thing is that with certain people and in certain situations I can't. I'm convinced it's a psychological/mental/nervous issue for me.
I'm a grower not a shower. When flacid, my dick looks like a young boy's dick (about 2/3 inches). If i'm cold or nervous it shrinks smaller. When it's hard it's about 6 inches. When I get together with a guy (i'm gay), depending on the guy/situation, I get nervous that he will see it like that and I guess this makes it worse. One time I was in bed with a guy and it didn't grow/get hard until about 30 mins into fooling around in bed. I guess I had had a few pints to drink before hand and the weather was fairly cold. Also, we kind of rushed into the bed thing. He was very turned on and I was too but my dick had other plans. At times the guy would check my dick out with his hand but he'd only feel a small soft penis in his hand and that would even make me more uptight and nervous. Usually eventually I exhaust myself with worrying/thinking and then i feel fine and my errection comes.
On the other hand, i was with a guy for about two months recently and never had any problems with him. I'm okay when guys see my erection first and then when it grows smaller after sex ...I'm fine with that (at least he knows how big it can get!).
Because I experience the problem in the past I now worry about being in an embarrassing situation again. I had a naked massage recently and was really turned on by the guy giving it, but that did not translate into an errection. I was embarrased when I turned over and there was my lil penis with loads of juice (precum?) coming out of it, but no errection.
I took two 6-month courses of anti-depressants about 8 years ago .. i feel that things changed sinced then ..whether it was my depression or the meds.
Are there anythings I can do to stop being nervous? I know that erections/blood flow are controlled by the brain and linked to the nervous system .... so if i'm afraid or nervous then there is a kind of a drawing in effect. How can I stop thinking of it and just relax?
Sorry about this long message. If any one has any info, that would be great. Thanks.
Hi,
You are spot-on regarding the "Physical Contact" and "Missionary Position" points in your article. I consistently have problems when I try to have sex in the missionary position because, like you said, the penis kind of "just hangs there" with no support. Shockingly, there's no mention of this anywhere on the web, I thought I was the only who failed in this common position. I actually start losing my erection even before I can thrust normally. My sequence of events:
1) Foreplay
2) Put a condom on (a slight break)
3) Descend into the missionary position
4) Attempt to penetrate the girl
Somewhere between #1 and #4 I lose my erection (it's only a matter of seconds!), although it's very firm during foreplay, and I'm convinced it's because of the lack of contact with the penis during #2 and the very weak, uncomfortable stance during #3. By the time I get to penetration I'm completely flaccid. My arms and legs get tired quickly in the missionary position, since I'm straining to support myself in this position. Maybe the blood flows to the arm/leg muscles rather than where it should, to the penis. Condoms could also be part of the problem.
However, I have to ask you: Have you actually yourself tried the suggestions you've listed here? "Lie face-down, both you and the girl, you on top of the girl?" This is a total waste of time. The penis has no "room" to grow because it's squashed, and will never get erect. But even if this position did actually work, you're going to have a hell of a time explaining to your girlfriend what you're doing and why and persuading her to go along. Reaching over and then inserting the penis from this position is impractically difficult and will itself cause you to lose erection.
You do make a very good point about the pause in contact, this is another thing that never gets mentioned anywhere for some reason. It's absolutely true that you need continuous stimulation of the penis as you get ready to insert. But achieving this is nowhere as easy as it sounds. When you make any movement, such as change your position or kneel or lie down, the erection fades, even if you keep stroking your penis. In my experience, an erection actually results from a "sleep like" dazed state where there is NO movement.
Keep in mind that manual stimulation is impossible once you have the condom on. Condoms were never meant to be rubbed and will come off the moment you try to revive the erection.
One possibility why the missionary position is so bad (and I'm really surprised that this is just about the only site that mentions it as something to be avoided--everyone else seems to treat it as "default"), is that the circulation of blood to the penis isn't as good as in doggystyle. The blood flows to the arms and knees required to support oneself in this position, and less so to the penis, which means less erection. That's why the penis "is hanging down there."
You make good points, but you don't offer practical and satisfactory solutions to the Physical Contact and Missionary problems, unfortunately (short of suggesting another position, which 90% of the time isn't possible because, believe it or not, most girls freak out or are disgusted when you suggest anything other than missionary--that's what they see in movies and that's what they expect).
Hi Reader,
Well, you make lots of great points there and made me think more about this issue.
Most importantly, what age are you? Age has a huge influence over erection performance. As you get past your mid-20s or so, erections tend to take longer to achieve and disappear quicker. It takes more direct stimulation of the penis to get and stay erect.
First off, good diet and regular cardiovascular exercise and keeping your weight down near average levels for your height will all help with erection performance. Further, it's believed that weightlifting, with correct technique (ask a gym instructor) heavy weights and low reps, by boosting testosterone, will also increase erection performance.
Aside from fitness, there are a lot of issues here. A break in foreplay to put on a condom can cause you to lose your erection. As you know, this is simply a break in sexual stimulation for your penis to perform the tedious, practical action of unwrapping and rolling down the condom. So at least, unwrap the condom first, get it ready and the right way around, then place it back on top of the wrapper beside your bed. Then go back to foreplay, wait till you're fully erect again, then roll the condom onto your penis.
This at least removes one step (the unwrapping step) and reduces the time fiddling with a plastic wrapper.
Another thing you can do is, while you're unwrapping the condom, is ask your girl to keep stroking your penis while you do this.
If you think this will make your girl feel uncomfortable, then you'll have to work on communication, maybe before or after sex sometime. Explain what's happening, be honest and say you want to do the responsible thing and use a condom. Most people are understanding about it if you can talk openly and frankly about sex.
You can manually stimulate your erection, even with a condom on, no problem. If you are circumcised, you can use lubrication (which you should use anyway with a condom) and masturbate the normal way. Ok, your hand will have lube on it, which isn't great during sex. But you can keep a hand towel or wash cloth beside your bed to wipe your hand on. Not pleasant, but practical. Which is better, a hard erection and a lubey hand or a flaccid penis?
If you have a foreskin, you can actually manually masturbate and pull the foreskin up as normal. The condom will fold in underneath your foreskin. It's totally weird but again is better than a softie.
So next is the missionary position. It's certainly true that blood will be diverted into your arms and legs to support the weight of your back, shoulders and head, and your heart rate will be higher. The woman-on-top position, with you lying on your back, or the sideways spoons position are probably preferable; your heart rate will be lower and more blood is available for your erection.
You should work on your fitness. You should be able to support yourself in this position. Maybe rest on either elbow or switch from elbow to elbow.
I'm not sure if we are talking about the same position. She lies face down, then you lie down on top of her, face down as well. Your faces will be close together. Sex position encyclopedias can't seem to agree on the name but it falls under 'rear entry' positions. Your penis will be squashed against or between her buttocks but this provides the necessary stimulation. If it's squashed too much simply lift your hips up and give it room to grow.
I can't really see why this is difficult. Your penis is really close to her vagina, penetration is very straightforward...
It's really just another from the 100s of variations on sex positions out there.
It's probably true that the missionary is the most common position for first sex with a new partner, and probably first position of the night... but use of other positions is really, really common. What country do you live in? Are you or the girls you've been with have any particular moral or religious persuasion?
Here's a couple more posts about erection issues
http://infosex.com/forum/15-months-and-counting
http://infosex.com/forum/sudden-erection-loss
http://www.infosex.com/forum/cant-get-hard-her
http://infosex.com/forum/mental-physical-or