Can't reach orgasm (female)

Help! I'm a 37 year old female and i've never had an orgasm. I've been in many relationships, have intercourse ok, really enjoy sex but i've never been able to orgasm through sex or on my own. I've read books and tried different things, to no avail. I'm healthy, uninhibited, no history of sexual abuse, no hang ups, feel good about my body, but still can't reach orgasm. Since its not a mind thing, i think it must be a physical thing. What can i do?

Not being able to reach orgasm is common for some women, and also for some guys during sex. Its seems you have what's known as primary anorgasmia, ie, you've never had an orgasm (secondary anorgasmia is where you used to be able to have orgasms, but not any longer). Since you're open minded and physically fit and well, no psychological problems or hang ups, its likely to be simply a matter of technique.
However first you should see a gynecologist to rule out any clinical problems.

Getting to orgasm is a learned behaviour. Any learned activity is best learnt when young, so learning to orgasm for the first time at 37 will take a little longer. You've tried masturbation - i presume by stroking your clitoris. Although a large proportion of women do like clitoral stimulation, its just doesn't float the boat for others. The first thing you'd want to try is a vibrator on your clit. If you're too embarrased to buy one you can use the back of the head of an electric toothbrush (not the bristle side).

You say you enjoy sex and have a good sex life. It may be that you respond better to vaginal or g spot stimulation. If you have a partner, have a read of g spot massage and try it out. If not, its usually a little difficult to reach the g spot with your fingers, so get some sex toys. For g spot or vaginal stimulation, vibrating toys aren't really necessary. The g spot needs heavy massaging pressure, not light vibrating. Vibrators are better for the clit. There's a lot of effective sex toys out there, many specifically designed with the g spot in mind. Try the 'Crystal Wand', its an S-shaped massager designed to put pressure right on your g spot.
Remember also that foreplay is very important, even if you're on your own - we recommend 30 minutes minimum! And don't drink alcohol before you start - this dulls sensation and will make it harder to reach orgasm.


Good luck...